Guilt
by hermin22
Summary: What happened after Minerva McGonagall returned from St. Mungo's?
1. Chapter 1

Guilt

While the spiral stairs slowly moved him upwards, Harry wondered if there ever was a student who spent that much time in the headmaster's office. He guessed not.

He was about to knock, when he heard the deep and yet soft voice of his headmaster and mentor. "Come in Harry. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"Could I talk with you for a moment? It is about Hermione." Harry was a bit uncertain if he really should have this talk, but now that he was here it was too late to change his mind.

The headmaster got up and gestured to a pair of armchairs in front of the fireplace. "Of course, Harry. Please sit down. "

"Thank you. I would have talked with Professor McGonagall, but she just came back from St. Mungo's, and I don't want her to worry. I think she is not as well as she wants us to believe and I had hoped you could talk with Hermione instead."

"That is very thoughtful of you, Harry. We should make your Professor's life as easy as possible at the moment, though she would be very angry with me for saying that. Why do you think I should talk with Miss Granger?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He wasn't comfortable at all, talking about one of his closest friends, but it couldn't go on like that. "Well, she spends all of her time studying. She was always very studious, but never like that. I mean she studies non stop, she skips meals and barely talks with us anymore, and Ginny says that she doesn't sleep well if she sleeps at all. I tried to talk with her, but she totally blocks me out. She wouldn't even come with us to welcome Professor McGonagall back at Hogwarts. I am worried. That is not the Hermione we know."

"That sounds indeed not like our Miss Granger. Can you tell me when Hermione changed her behavior or do you have any idea what caused the changes?"

Harry looked thoughtful for a while. "Hmm…it was after Umbridge left, I think. Maybe a little earlier."

"I see. I might have an idea what bothers our Miss Granger and I shall talk with her. Thank you Harry, for telling me."

The young man stood, and with a short greeting toward Fawkes, he walked over to the door. Thank you, sir. Have a good day."

"And you, my boy."

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Later that day Albus Dumbledore could see why his Harry worried about his friend. The young woman who entered looked tired and pale and the hollow cheeks gave her the face of a woman much older than Hermione was. Pity dwelled up and a short pang of guilt that he hadn't noticed the state of the girl.

"Good evening, Miss Granger," he greeted her as she stepped into his office.

"Good evening, sir," the young woman replied, following the headmaster to the very same chair Harry had sat it not too long ago. She didn't look pleased at all being summoned to the headmaster office, while she had work waiting for her.

Sitting down opposite of her, the headmaster took his time before he asked: "How are you, Miss Granger?"

"Just fine, sir." The uncomfortable looking witch's answer came too quickly and her voice was too harsh for the old man's liking.

He talked as gently as he could, looking at her encouragingly. "Be honest with me, Hermione. We both know you are far from fine. Why don't you just tell me what is bothering you."

"Really, I am fine sir." Her voce was softer this time and she observed her hands as if they were the most important thing at the moment.

"You look pale, you skip meals, and you study too much."

Hermione sounded more defensive than ever. "How could I study too much? I thought that was what we are supposed to do in school?!"

"All within healthy and reasonable limits, Miss Granger. You are the best student already; there is no need for excessive studying."

The young woman was becoming more agitated with every second. "You don't understand! I need to learn, sir. I am not good enough."

"Hermione, you are better than anybody else," he tried to sooth.

"It is not enough! It was not enough to protect her and it won't be enough to protect anyone."

Now he knew that his suspicion was indeed correct. "Her? Hermione, you are talking about Professor McGonagall, aren't you? You know that she doesn't blame you at all, don't you?"

" Of course she does. She can't even look at me in class. And she has every right to. I did nothing. I just stood there, watching her being attacked. I did nothing." The girl's words were nothing more than a whisper. A sorrowful statement of her lack of action to save the woman she felt so close to.

He needed her to relive what happened so that she could look into the future. "Hermione, what happened when your professor was attacked? What did you see?"

Her normally so oratorical eyes turned somewhat dull when the memory flooded her mind and soul. "We were in our finals in the tower when we heard shouting on the grounds. We saw it from the windows. She tried to protect Hagrid and they shot stunners at her. She got hit by four of them right in her chest. She just fell and didn't move anymore. I thought she… they didn't tell us for over a week if she was still alive. I…I couldn't think of anything. I just watched her being attacked. I didn't know any spell to help her."

The sad looking man swallowed at how desperate and defeated she sounded. He shouldn't have left the castle.

"Would you allow me to see that memory?"

Without even looking at him she took her wand and pulled the silvery memory out of her head and moved to look out of the window while the headmaster watched the memory she had seen countless times in her dreams.

He flinched when he saw the attack and fought hard not to scream in anger and sorrow. He could feel the young girl's desperation and helplessness at the moment of the attack and the fear that her mentor wouldn't survive.

"There was nothing you could have done to help her, Hermione. I understand how you feel…"

"No! No, you don't understand how I feel! I thought I was watching her die and couldn't think of anything to help her. I..." The anger was back as she stared directly into his blue eyes.

"I do understand how you feel, child. I understand because I feel guilty as well. I asked her to stay in the castle. It was me who left her. There was nothing you could have done to help her, Hermione. You are bound to the castle's magic. You couldn't have been there in time, child. You were too far away, but I could have helped her if I would have been there."

"What use is it being a witch then when I am not even able to protect the people I love? What use is magic if I can't do anything but watch the people I love suffer? No, I will study every minute of my life to make sure I am not that helpless again. Next time I will be prepared." There was a determination in the girl's eyes and voice that sent a shiver through the headmaster's body. This was not going well and he doubted he could help his student that held a special place in his heart, besides Harry.

"Hermione, stop. You can't be prepared for everything that may come in your life. Nobody…" He stood up and reached out to the crying child.

Then something snapped in Hermione and she started running.

Albus Dumbledore didn't prevent her from leaving. He knew that the only person who could convince the poor girl that it wasn't her fault was the very woman he hoped he could avoided bothering.

Just a few minutes later he stood in front of his best friend's door.

---------

"Minerva?" he asked, entering her private quarters.

"Come in, Albus. I am here." It filled his heart with joy that he was still able to hear her lovely voice. It was moments like this that made him remember how close he was to losing her just a few weeks ago.

When he entered the sitting room, he found her on a sofa close to the fire, a cup of tea in her hand and a blanket covering her small frame. A walking cane that seemed to be thrown into the corner with some force caught his attention.

Noticing what her friend was looking at she shot him a warning glance followed by a "Not a word, Albus. Not a single world." She used the kind of tone that didn't allow any choice than doing, or in this case not doing, what she wanted.

Laughing, he sat down beside her. "Why my dear, could it be that you don't like your walking stick?"

She was about to open her mouth for a reply that would tell him exactly how fond she was of that cane when something in his eyes made her stop before she really started.

"What is it, Albus?" she asked concerned.

The old man gave her a half hearted smile. "Am I that easy to read?"

"I've known you for a very long time and I know that look on your face."

"You are right of course. But first I want to know how you are feeling." He took one of her hands in his large one and squeezed it gently. "You look tired and cold, my dear."

Minerva sighed deeply. "That about covers it. I am constantly tried, every simple spell leaves me weak for ages and despite of the fire and the blankets I am always cold. Not to mention the pain in my back and chest."

He put his arm around her frail shoulders and placed a small kiss on her head. It was an action he knew Minerva would not allow anyone else, but the long years of their friendship made them both so comfortable with each other that she enjoyed his concern and attention.

Leaning into his side she squeezed his hand in return. "Now tell me what is bothering you."

"I need you to talk with Miss Granger."

He felt her shift uncomfortably in his arms. "I don't think I am the right person to do that at the moment. I would be grateful if you could talk with her."

"Why is that, Minerva? As far as I know you are extraordinarily fond of our Hermione."

"That is not the point, Albus," she said with more force then she intended and added in a softer tone, "I disappointed her and now she is angry with me. I don't blame her." A feeling of sadness settled in her heart when she thought about what she did to her Hermione.

"How do you think you disappointed her, my dear?" he asked softly.

"Isn't that obvious? I left her. I got myself attacked and left them all to fight on their own without any protection against that woman. I deserve her anger, Albus. You asked me to stay and I couldn't do what you asked of me. I left them, Albus. Did you see their hands? Hermione's hand? How could I allow her to do that to my cubs." Silent tears were running down her cheeks now. She had never felt that guilty in her life.

The old man tightened his grip around her shoulders and brought her hand up to his heart. "Minerva, listen to me now. You did nothing wrong. Hermione is not disappointed at all and nor am I. You were so brave, dearest. I am very proud of you as all of your students are. You did the right thing, Minerva. Stopping that woman was beyond your power. Any more actions on your part would have provoked the ministry to take actions against Hogwarts."

The pale witch quickly dried her eyes and nodded slightly, but didn't seem to be convinced at all. "If you think so, Albus."

"Ah Minerva, allow me to show you something." He didn't wait for a response and pulled the silvery memory of his conversation with Hermione out of his head.

The old witch shot him a questioning look, but watched in stunned silence as the scene unfolded before her. She was absolutely shocked at her student's appearance. How could she have missed how emaciated the girl looked?! Well, maybe it was as Hermione just said. She indeed tried not to look at her during class, but only because she felt so guilty about leaving her. She felt bad for leaving all of her students, but she couldn't deny that her relationship with Hermione was closer than to any of them. If she had known that the gifted young witch felt guilty herself…

And Albus, her closest friend. Does he really feel bad about ordering her to stay in the castle?

She didn't even notice the tears running down her cheeks now. "Albus?" Looking into the sad blue eyes she squeezed the hand she had gripped while watching his memory. "Albus, I never want to hear again that you are sorry for ordering me to stay in the castle. You did what was right, what you always do, and that is one reason you are so dear to me." She reached up and placed a small kiss on his cheek.

"I was terrified when I heard you were attacked, Minerva. The thought of losing you…"

"I am still here, Albus. You won't get rid of me so soon." She gave him a small smile feeling truly grateful to have a friend like him. "And now I need to talk with Hermione. I can't believe I've been so blind not to see her go downhill. Why didn't she tell me how she feels? We used to talk about everything."

"You have become as close as a mother to her as you can while you are still her teacher. You are friend and family for her and to protect you is her first priority even if that means she has to learn every spell on this earth. Think about it, Minerva. Your whole house behaves better than they ever did to give you the rest you need."

For the first time since her attack Minerva McGonagall smiled brightly at the thoughtfulness of her cubs.

"I am sorry, but I have a meeting with Kingsley in a few minutes. I trust you are going to see Miss Granger now?" He slowly got up and headed for the door.

"Of course Albus and thank you."

"You are more than welcome, my dear." With a flick of his wand he sent the walking stick into her hand and left before he could even hear her complain about it.

------------------------

"Dobby!?"

A little 'pop' announced the presence of the little house elf. "Yes, Mistress McGonagall? How can Dobby help you, miss?"

"Ah there you are. Hello Dobby. Would you please tell Miss Granger to meet me at the front doors as soon as possible? And please remind her to take her jacket."

"Of course, Professor. Dobby is on his way, Professor" Another 'pop' and he vanished into thin air.

Minerva slowly and painfully struggled to stand up and started heading for the entrance of the castle to meet her student.

She cursed her fate when she noticed she had been so slow that Hermione was already awaiting hers. She looked so uncomfortable the older woman wished she could just go back into her warm quarters and forget the world around her.

"Miss Granger, hello. I want to talk with you and I find talks like that a bit easier outside. Come and take a walk with me, please."

"A walk? But professor you are still…" _too unwell_ was what she was thinking, but the look the older woman gave her caused her not to voice that thought.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Every first year student knew that there was no correct answer when Professor McGonagall asked like that.

"Nothing." Hermione turned around and pushed the big doors open.

They walked in silence and Minerva had to stop several times. She tried to cover up by pretending to enjoy the landscape, but Hermione saw immediately that she needed breaks because of her poor condition. After a while they reached a bench near the lake, a place Hermione hadn't discovered before, and the older woman told her to sit.

A bit unsure if she should offer her help, Hermione held her hand out for the older woman to take. It surprised her that after a moment of hesitation the tired looking woman indeed grabbed her hand as she painfully sat down with a groan.

They sat in silence for a while, for neither of them knew what to say or how to start until Hermione couldn't stand it anymore. "You wanted to talk with me, Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. I wanted to talk with you." She didn't look at the girl beside her. After what felt for Hermione like an hour the older woman began to talk. "This is probably the first time in my life that I don't know how to approach a subject, but there seems to be no other way than the bold one. The headmaster showed me the memory of the talk the two of you had."

"He had no right to do that. That was a private talk."

"He means well, Hermione. And he helped me see that we have to talk about it, even when I want to forget what happened." She turned to face her student. "Hermione, you are in no way responsible for what happened. There was no way that you could have helped me and it never even crossed my mind that you could have seen the attack." Seeing that the young girl just kept on looking at the lake she carefully placed her hand on her students arm. "Please look at me." She waited until the girl obeyed. "Hermione, I'm… I'm so sorry." The older witch lowered her head as the memories of the attack filled her mind and the feeling of guilt flooded

through her.

Hermione watched her mentor closely and found a picture of upmost desolation. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Professor. I have never seen anyone so brave in my life. You tried to protect someone you care for." She turned her head to look at the lake and whispered almost inaudibly. "You did something I wasn't able to do."

Minerva fought back her tears when she faced her young student and gripped her arms. "Hermione, listen to me now. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing. And there is no spell you can learn that will make sure you won't lose someone dear to you." Suddenly she let go of the girl's arms and pulled her in a bone crushing hug, wincing as pain shot in her chest. "Please stop, Hermione. Don't make me watch you go to bits and pieces over something I have caused. I can't take it anymore."

The young witch grabbed her mentor tightly and sobbed like she never had before. "I thought I watched you die. I thought I had lost you."

Minerva started rocking her back and forth. "I know… shhh. I am here. My dear girl, I am so sorry."

They stayed in the comfort of each others arms until Hermione felt her mentor shiver. She let go of the older woman to take a better look at her. "Professor, you are cold. Why don't you use a warming spell?"

Minerva shifted uncomfortably. She wanted to tell the girl that she was just fine, but the look on Hermione's face stopped her before she even started. "I have very little energy at the moment and if I cast a spell, even as simple as the warming spell, I won't have enough energy left to make it up to the castle."

Hermione could have beaten herself for asking such a stupid question when she saw the sad look in her mentors eyes.

"Would you allow me to cast the spell for you?" she asked shyly.

"That would be lovely, Hermione."

The young witch didn't lose any time and Minerva sighed in relief when warmth flooded her aching body. "Thank you, Hermione." She offered a small but grateful smile.

The young witch looked very thoughtful for a moment. "How do we go on from here?" she asked quietly.

Minerva took a deep breath, understanding the meanings of the seemingly simple question that wasn't simple at all. "We go with our heads up and straight forward. You stop learning and start living again and I try to get my strength back. And when you have the feeling you need to talk, you will always be welcome in my quarters."

"Thank you, Professor. I know that might sound odd, but if you ever want to talk, I am here. I know you are a strong woman and you don't need to prove anything to me. It is all right to accept help sometimes, you know. That is not a sign of weakness." Hermione's eyes showed a seriousness Minerva rarely saw when someone, and not many people dared, offered her help.

The older woman was very touched by the girl's words. It didn't happen very often that someone besides Albus offered her heartfelt affection and friendship and though Hermione was still her student, she knew that she could do with a friend to lean on now. The attack affected her more than she liked to admit to herself and others, and the thought of spending more time with Hermione warmed her neglected heart.

She pulled the girl into a gentle hug, not wanting the unshed tears in her eyes to be seen. "I shouldn't say that, Hermione, but you are a very special girl and I think it would be lovely to spend more time with you and find out in which ways we can support each other."

The young witch smiled brightly at her mentor's words and covered Minerva's hand with her own. "That sounds wonderful to me."

"Would you like to have a tea in my quarters with me to warm you up for a start?"

"Yes, I'd like that very much."

Minerva stood up a little too quick and a wave of dizziness overcame her. Trying to gain balance again she was grateful for the arm that reached around her waist to steady her.

"Easy now, Professor. I have you." Hermione held the older woman securely with one arm, her free hand grabbing her mentors shaking one. "You want to sit down again?"

"No no, just give me a second. I'll be all right in a moment. Just don't let go." She held on tightly to her student, praying that the world stops spinning around her.

Hermione soothingly rubbed her thumb up and down the back of the hand she was still holding. "It's all right Professor, I won't let you fall."

Minerva smiled at the kind words. "I know, dear girl. And please call me 'Minerva' when we're in private."

The young witch blushed a deep red when she heard her mentor use the endearment, something she never witnessed from her normally very stern Professor in all the time she spent in the castle.

"Thank you, Minerva" the girl tried the new name. It felt strange, but good. Like crossing a bridge to a place you always wanted to visit.

The older woman reached down a bit to grab the walking stick, not letting go of her new and yet long known friend. "Shall we go?"

"Yes. Lean on me, and when you want me to let go of you, just give me a sign." She slowly started walking, keeping her supporting arm around her friend's waist.

Minerva was so glad she didn't need to talk with Hermione about discretion about their friendship. It wouldn't do to let the other students see their deputy headmistress leaning heavily on the star student.

They made slow progress and the young witch made sure they stopped for a little break when she felt the older woman become a bit shaky. When they came nearer the castle Minerva let go of Hermione. "I think it is time to put on my stern face now."

"Are you sure? You look so tired." The girl asked, concerned while letting go of her friend.

"I _am_ very tired, sweetheart, and quite weak as well. But I need to manage the rest alone." She surprised herself and Hermione by stroking the girl's cheek with the back of her fingers. "Please stay close though, just in case."

"I am right beside you and when we make it to your quarters, you lie down and relax for a while and let me prepare tea and ask Dobby for a few sandwiches." Hermione didn't even notice that she just gave very clear orders to her own professor.

But Minerva did. And it didn't bother her at all to let Hermione take care of her and the situation. The older witch felt the beginning of something growing inside of her that she thought was long gone from her heart.

Trust.

"You can't imagine how much I'm looking forward to it." She smiled a last time at the girl before she put on her stern face. "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

_Guilt was supposed to be a one shot, but as so many of you asked for more I decided to write another chapter… Thank you to the best beta ever! xx_

_

* * *

_They were both glad that the entrance hall was not very busy, but one of the few people they met was Malfoy and his gang. Hermione was very close to turn him into a bug and crash him with her foot when he turned to Minerva and said:" We are so glad you are back, Professor. Not to think of what would have happened if you hadn't returned." His voice was as slimy as it could be and the only thing that kept Hermione from shut him up was a quick glance from her mentor who looked totally unimpressed.

"Don't worry, Mr. Malfoy. It won't come to that. Go to your common room now." The older woman looked as stern as ever and Malfoy left immediately, looking rather irritated that his provocation didn't have the desired effect. The young witch wondered briefly how it was possible to show off strength like that when in truth Hermione knew that the older witch was close to fainting from exhaustion. They slowly moved on towards Minerva's quarters and as soon as no student was around the already very pale woman lost the last bit of colour and looked as white as a fading ghost. Hermione walked closer to her mentor than she normally would have, ready to grab her if need be.

"Robert Burns", Minerva whispered weakly and the door to her chambers opened for her and Hermione and as soon as they both entered the door closed again on its own accord.

Not waiting for the older woman's permission Hermione stepped forward, reaching out to her mentor who leaned heavily onto her. The young witch saw beads of sweat forming on her forehead and her green eyes glaze over with pain.

"You're almost there. Just a few steps" Hermione tried to sooth both herself and Minerva while she helped her to the nearest sofa. The old witch groaned in pain when she sat down, one hand pressed to her chest. "Yellow pills…nightstand.." she managed to say and Hermione didn't need any more information. Within seconds she was back, the pills in her hand and already summoning a glass of water, handing it to the other woman. Minerva swallowed the pain medicine immediately and waited for the meds to take in. She felt Hermione gently stroking her hand until the pain faded a little.

"Feeling a bit better now?" the young girl asked worriedly. When Minerva nodded, she arranged the pillows and carefully helped her mentor lie down. Then she walked back into her mentor's bedroom to fetch a warm looking blanket. "Would you like me to transfigure your robes into something more comfortable?" "Please", the older woman said and with a flick of Hermione's wand she was suddenly dressed comfortably. The young girl gently and carefully tucked her in and then knelt beside her.

"That was a bit too much for you today, hm?" Hermione asked concerned.

"I'm all right, Hermione", the tired looking woman replied weakly.

Hermione looked for a moment at her mentors flushed face. "I think you're running a slight fever. And you have at least fife different medications and creams on your nightstand. You are not well."

"I am fine." It was clear that Minerva was quickly getting annoyed.

Hermione reached out and put a hand on the older witches' forehead. "Definitely fever."

"Miss Granger, I am absolutely fine!" The moments the words left her mouth Minerva regretted the harshness and the hurt look on her friends face showed that she needs to be more careful in the future. "I'm so sorry, dear. I am not used to be unwell and I have never been an easy patient, but I didn't mean to hurt you or sound ungrateful." She reached out for Hermione's hand. "I appreciate your concern Hermione. Honestly."

The young woman summoned a cold washcloth and gently placed it on her mentor's hot forehead. "That's all right, don't worry. You just rest and sleep now. Hopefully your body just reacts to the exhaustion and you feel better when you wake up."

"I hope so, but you don't need to stay Hermione. This is not what I had in mind when I invited you for tea." It was increasingly difficult for her to keep her eyes open.

"I know, but I'm not going to leave you alone. And now, sleep. Heaven knows you need it and shall be here when you wake up." She adjusted the blanket that covered Minerva and gently stroked the older woman's hair. Seeing that she already drifted off to sleep she whispered a "sleep well" and sat in the armchair next to the fire where she could keep an eye on her new friend.

-----

It was about an hour later when the door opened and Albus Dumbledore quietly walked in. "Ah Miss Granger, how nice to see you again" he greeted her, careful not to wake Minerva up. He sat opposite of her and summoned tea for both of them.

"I am sorry for running away earlier, sir." She was suddenly very embarrassed for how she behaved.

"That is quite all right, Miss Granger. I assume Professor McGonagall talked with you?" He smiled gently at the sleeping form on the sofa.

"Yes, she did. She wanted to take a walk with me and we talked about everything."

"A walk? Well, that explains why she is sleeping now."

"Yes, she was extremely exhausted and unwell and seemed to have a fever. Do you think that is caused by the exhaustion?"

"I think so, Hermione. Your Professor was very seriously hurt and when she goes on like this, a relapse is very likely. She was released from St. Mungo's under the condition that she would rest as much as possible, take things easy and that I would make sure she does. As you can see, I am not very successful."

The young woman sighed. "She doesn't make it very easy for someone to take care of her, does she?"

He smiled knowingly. "That is indeed right, Hermione. May I ask what you want to do after Hogwarts?"

Hermione was a little surprised at the sudden change of subject but answered anyway. "I'd like to teach some day."

"I think teaching would be a very good choice for you." He chuckled as a few memories of Hermione explaining something to the boys came to his mind. "Misters Potter and Weasly learned a lot from you. What subject are you interested in?"

She didn't need to think about that. "Transfiguration."

"Ah, I thought so. You see, I am trying to find a solution for Professor McGonagall. For her wellbeing I can't let her teach until she is fully recovered and that will take a while, even if she'd rest as much as she should. You can imagine how happy she is with this situation." He gave her a half hearted smile.

"Yes, sir. Yes, I can. Did you find a solution already?" She had the feeling he isn't telling her all that because he likes to talk with her.

"That depends on you, Miss Granger. And on Professor McGonagall of course."

"Me? What…"

"What would you think about an apprentice in transfiguration here at Hogwarts?"


	3. Chapter 3

"An apprentice?! How…I mean I haven't even finished school, and as far as I know Hogwarts doesn't offer any apprenticeships these days." Hermione was unsure if he was making fun of her, but he looked so serious about it.

"An apprenticeship at Hogwarts is not common, but there were a few over the history. It is unusual, but possible. The bigger problem is indeed that you are still a student."

He gave a small pause, but seeing the young woman stare at him unbelievingly, he continued. "We both know that you are so far ahead in most of the subjects that you could take your exams next month without any problems."

Hermione was about to protest when the headmaster stopped her. He couldn't help but chuckle at the girl's shocked face.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't ask that of you. What I mean to say is that you don't need the kind of schooling your classmates do. That would give you the opportunity to learn differently if you'd like that. You could pick a few subjects you think you need to learn weekly in class, and take up an apprentice in transfiguration. It would be a half of one as long as you are still a student yourself. It would require you to accompany your mentor, Professor McGonagall in this case, to the classes she has to teach and mostly do the practical work while she focuses on the theory of the subject. That would mean you would have to get private lessons from your mentor in transfiguration and the other subjects you can't learn together with your peers, so that you can still take all your exams. This arrangement could turn into a full apprenticeship as soon as you finish school."

He leaned back and watched Hermione's reaction closely. The young girl was quite pale all of a sudden and took her time to think about the unexpected offer.

"You don't need to make a decision tonight, Hermione. This is just something I want you to think about. I haven't talked with Professor McGonagall yet and there is a fair chance that she won't like the idea at all. I just wanted to give you time to think about everything. Hermione, I am not forcing you to do this. It is your own free decision and I assure you, whatever you decide, nobody will be disappointed. And don't take this decision lightly. Once you agree, and the bond is sealed, you sign a binding magical contract. I know that is much to take in, and I normally wouldn't put you through this, but due to your professors condition I'd like to avoid bringing up the subject before I know that is something you would agree to."

"Wow, that is…I don't know what to say. I just…that would change everything. Can I think about it?"

"Yes, Miss Granger. Please do, and remember, this is your decision alone. You have to listen to your heart and find out if that is something you really want. And after all, Professor McGonagall has to agree as well. It would have a huge impact on her life as well and please don't be upset if she doesn't want a change like that in her life. Think about everything, and when you are ready, come to my office."

Hermione nodded as a sudden noise from the sleeping woman on the sofa caught their attention. She sounded distressed and uncomfortable.

The young woman knelt beside her, placing her hand gently on her arm. "Minerva, wake up. It's all right, you are having a nightmare. Wake up."

Hermione saw the still flushed woman's eyes flutter open. "Hermione," she asked hoarsely.

"Yes, it's me. I think you had a nightmare." The young woman felt Minerva's forehead and noticed that it was still warmer than it should be. "How are you feeling? Any better?"

"Yes," was the first reaction, but when she looked into the girls concerned eyes she shook her head. "No." That was when she noticed Albus. "What are you doing here?" she asked not unkindly, but surprised.

"I was keeping Miss Granger company." He walked over to them and took a close look at his friend. "We should let Poppy check you."

"Please don't. Hermione, tell him that I'm fine." She gave the girl a look that clearly said _'Don't you dare let me down.'_

Albus smiled, amused, waiting to see how Hermione would get out of this one.

"Well, I would suggest going to bed now, and we will see how you are tomorrow morning. And if you still don't feel well, we will consult Madam Promfrey. Does that sound acceptable?"

"Very diplomatic Miss Granger. I could agree to this arrangement. Minerva?"

"Oh well then, if I must." She sat up, groaning, cursing her fate and the dizziness that overcame her again.

Hermione and Albus simultaneously offered her a hand, causing the older woman to smile, amused. "What a pair you are. Sitting with an old woman when you should be enjoying yourself."

"You are not old," Hermione started and the headmaster added "and there is no other place we'd rather be."

Minerva took the offered hands and slowly stood up, grateful no other person could see her so weak, and allowed them to lead her to the bed.

Hermione pulled the covers back and gently tucked the older women in, in a way that warmed Minerva's heart, and turned to the headmaster who understood the unspoken question.

"I suggest I stay the night and you take over during the day if she is not much better tomorrow."

Minerva thought she hadn't heard correctly. "SHE doesn't need anyone to stay and SHE will certainly be up and about tomorrow!"

Hermione smiled at her tired looking friend. "Sorry Minerva. I will be here tomorrow morning then," she said turning to the headmaster who got comfortable in a chair beside the bed.

The young woman stood beside the bed, suddenly very insecure of what the proper way to say good night would be. She felt close to the older woman, but their friendship had only just begun, after all.

Minerva seemed to sense the girl's thoughts. "If we are going to be friends, you needn't worry about if it is ok to hug me when we are in private. Truth to be told I am not known for being emotional, and I am not used to it very much, but I never mind a hug from a friend." She opened her arms for Hermione. "And now come here."

Hermione, who felt a little overwhelmed by the unexpected words, tightly but carefully wrapped her arms around the older witch. After a moment she pulled back and smiled almost tenderly, stroking the hot forehead. "Sleep well, Minerva. I will be here tomorrow morning."

"Good night, Sir. Take good care of her."

"I will do my best, Hermione. Sleep well." He smiled as he watched her leave the room.

* * *

As always, my beta is the best!!


	4. Chapter 4

Next morning came early and Hermione went straight up to her professor's rooms. She didn't bother with breakfast, knowing that she wouldn't keep anything down. She slowly and silently opened the door to Minerva's bedroom and was greeted by a still sleeping Minerva and a tiredly smiling headmaster. "Good morning, Miss Granger," he whispered. "Did you sleep well?"

Hermione slightly shook her head. "Good morning to you as well, and to be honest, no. I couldn't sleep."

The old man knowingly nodded. "That makes us two. Have you come to a decision already?"

"Yes, I think want to do it, if Professor McGonagall agrees." There. Now it was out.

The smile she received now looked almost relieved. "I will talk with her later this afternoon. She didn't sleep well and only fell asleep three hours ago."

"Ok. I suggest I take over now so you can get some rest."

"Thank you, Hermione. I will be back in the afternoon to talk with her about the apprenticeship." The headmaster got up stiffly, thinking for the first time that he was getting too old for nights spent awake in a chair.

Hermione silently sat down in the newly vacated chair and watched over her sleeping friend. She didn't look well. Her face was flushed and her sleep did not look peaceful at all. It didn't take long for Minerva to wake up with a groan. It took a little while until her eyes adjusted to the light and she recognised Hermione, sitting at her bedside.

"Good morning, Minerva," Hermione greeted softly.

"Good morning, Hermione. How long have you been here?" The older woman replied sleepy.

"Not long. Professor Dumbledore left an hour ago. How are you feeling today?"

Minerva waved the question away. "Just fine."

Hermione smirked and decided to let it slide for now. "I know you didn't sleep well tonight. I'd say we had better get you some breakfast and then you can try to rest again. Would you like breakfast in bed or do you want to take it in the sitting room?"

Minerva was too tired and uncomfortable to protest and decided to just give in to her fate. "I will take it in the sitting room, thank you."

Hermione was very grateful her friend didn't protest. "I'll go and get everything ready then. Just call me if you need any help."

When Minerva entered the sitting room clothed in a dressing gown and leaning heavily on her walking stick, it took all of Hermione's will power not to rush to the older woman's side to support her. She knew her friend wouldn't take it well, so she just sat down and watched the older woman struggle.

"Here you go," the young witch said as she placed an already filled plate in front of Minerva, who didn't look very hungry. She only picked at her food and kept shifting in her seat, obviously uncomfortable.

"Minerva, are you all right?" the young witch asked softly.

"Yes, I am fine. I'm just not very hungry today." She knew Hermione wouldn't buy that.

"Would you like to go back to bed and rest for a while?"

The older woman slowly nodded. "Yes, I think I'll do that." She stood up and grabbed the table for support. She took a few painfully exhausting steps then she suddenly stopped and slightly bowed her head, letting out a deep sigh. Hermione took the cue and wordlessly offered her left hand. When Minerva accepted the offer, the young witch placed her right hand reassuringly on her mentors back. Hermione slowly led Minerva back to the big bed and helped her sit down. One look at the older woman was enough for Hermione to see something was troubling her friend.

She knelt down in front of Minerva and placed her hands carefully on the older witch's knees. "You can tell me, you know."

"Tell you what?" They both knew Minerva was only trying to buy time.

"What is on your mind." She didn't want to push, but she wanted her to know that she was there to listen.

"Honestly, Hermione. It's nothing. My back is hurting and I feel uncomfortable," Minerva

said quietly.

The young woman lightly squeezed her mentor's knee. "Isn't there anything you could take for the pain?"

At that Minerva started fidgeting. "Not really."

"What exactly does 'not really' mean?" She knew there was something her mentor didn't really want to tell her.

"There aren't any pills I could take."

"But there is something else that might help?"

"Well, there is a cream to put on the scars." She spoke so softly her voice was barely audible.

Hermione looked at the nightstand beside her. "That one here?" she asked pointing at a small tube.

When Minerva nodded, Hermione helped her out of the dressing gown and told her to lie down. "Hermione, it is not a pretty sight. You really don't have to…" She was cut off by the young woman's look. So she gave in and slowly and painfully laid down on her stomach.

Hermione covered the older witch with the blanket up to her back and pushed the nighty up a bit. She felt her eyes fill with tears at the sight of the angry red marks on Minerva's back. The stunners were cast with so much force they went right through the body. Once again Hermione realised how close she had come to losing her mentor.

Minerva misinterpreted the pause. "It's fine if you don't want to do this, Hermione."

The older woman was about to roll back on her side, but was stopped by Hermione. "No, I'm so sorry Minerva. It's not that. It's just…I was reminded how very nearly I lost you. I'm sorry."

Minerva was very touched by the girl's words and didn't trust her voice enough to reply just yet. Instead she concentrated on the gentle movements she felt on her back. She knew Hermione must have been treating her with much care, because she didn't feel the uncomfortable pain she always did when the nurses in the hospital or even Poppy applied the cream.

"All done. Does it feel better?" The young girl gave her mentor's back a last gentle rub and pulled the nighty down again.

Minerva chuckled slightly at that. "It takes a bit longer than a few seconds to feel better, but it will soon. Help me up, will you?"

Hermione helped her to get comfortable, propped up against the pillows in a half sitting position. The young woman was just about to climb off the bed when Minerva opened her arms invitingly for her young friend. "Come here." Hermione was a bit surprised, but moved up and let her friend embrace her. "You're a darling, Hermione. Thank you for putting up with me."

"No, Minerva. I thank you for letting me be your friend. That is something very precious to me. I know your friendship is never given lightly and I am very proud you allow me to be your friend." She tightened her arms around the older woman for a moment. When she pulled back she discovered that her mentor's eyes were as shiny with unshed tears as her own. "Now, would you like to rest for a while?"

"Yes, I think that would do me good. You look a bit pale as well. There is another blanket in the wardrobe if you'd like to sleep as well," Minerva offered while she slid down into a proper sleeping position.

It is strange how your body reacts to activity. As long as she was busy taking care of her friend, Hermione didn't notice how tired she really was, but now that Minerva talked of sleeping she suddenly felt her lack of sleep catching up with her. "That sounds heavenly, actually." She quickly went to get the blanket, then got comfortable on the big bed. "Wake me up when you need anything, all right?"

Minerva smiled warmly at her. "I will. Now sleep well little one."

"Sweet dreams for you too."

Within seconds both women were sound asleep.

----

Hermione sleepily opened her eyes a few hours later only to find Minerva sitting up in bed, seemingly lost in thought. "Hey," Hermione greeted, her voice laced with sleepiness.

"Hey. I didn't wake you up, did I?" She sounded a bit concerned for a moment.

"No, no. Why are you not sleeping?" Hermione questioned and put her pillow against the headboard and settled next to her friend.

"I couldn't. There is no special reason." Minerva did her best to smile at her young charge.

Hermione didn't believe her. She reached for the older woman's hand and pulled it into her own lap, hoping her gentle caressing would soothe her mentor enough to let go and talk about what was bothering her. "Tell me what is on your mind. We are friends and that is what friends are for, isn't it."

Minerva slightly squeezed Hermione's hand and sighed deeply. "I guess so, yes. It has been such a long time since I have anyone other than Albus to discuss my problems with, that I'm not sure I still know how to do it."

"You're doing, fine. Just tell me what's troubling you."

"I think I will quit, Hermione." The old woman sounded so lost it almost broke Hermione's heart.

"Why, Minerva? I always thought you loved being a teacher." If Hermione didn't knew where this was heading she would have been in tears already.

"I do, Hermione. I have taught all my life, but look at me. I can't cast a spell or go for a walk without ending up sick in bed. Albus needs a transfiguration teacher and not an old woman who is too weak to do her job." The last sentence was lost in a desperate sob.

Hermione quickly pulled the sobbing women in her arms. "Oh dear, come here. Shh…don't cry. You are not weak, you have been attacked and it is a wonder you are as fit as you are now already. You almost died, Minerva. That is not something one can overcome in just a few weeks." The young witch held her mentor close and started to soothingly stroke her hair. "You're not going anywhere. You are deputy headmistress and transfiguration teacher and it will stay that way." Hermione placed a small comforting kiss on top of her friend's head. "Now look at me." The older woman hesitantly looked up and let her young charge wipe away her tears. "I know it won't be easy for you, but Professor Dumbledore has an idea how to help you already. No, listen to me. You are indispensable here. Look at me. YOU are indispensable."

Minerva took a few deep breaths and gave Hermione an embarrassed smile. "Thank you darling. I'm sorry I lost control like that. I don't know why I am so annoyingly emotional at the moment."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It is perfectly normal that you feel overwhelmed with all that happened recently and I know it troubles you immensely that you can't perform magic the way you are used to, but you will get all your strength back. You just need a little patience."

Minerva smiled gratefully at her young friend. "Thank you. I know, but in case you didn't notice before, I am not the most patient witch in this country." Minerva briefly wondered why Hermione looked as though she was desperately trying to hold back her laughter. "You said Albus has an idea. Why is it that you know about that and I don't?"

Hermione started fidgeting nervously. "Oh…well, that…you know Professor Dumbledore wanted to talk with you about that…and..."

"It is not like you to stammer like this. You sound like your friend Ronald. Come on, out with it."

"Promise me not to get angry." The older woman raised a questioning eyebrow. "Ok, that idea Professor Dumbledore had involves another person. Me, to be exactly."

"You?" Hermione nodded her bowed head.

"Yes, he thought I could be your apprentice. He knows I want to study transfiguration and if you would think about taking me as your apprentice we could teach together. I could take over the practical examples."

"I… what? I mean, Hermione…an apprenticeship? That would be…"


	5. Chapter 5

"That would be very unusual."

"I know. I didn't think this option was possible at all. Professor Dumbledore told me about it and asked if I would be interested, because he knows I want to study transfiguration. I had to think about it, of course. I mean, an apprenticeship is a huge step, but I am sure now. If you'd like to take me on, I'd love to become your apprentice, but only if you really want that. I don't want to be a burden or anything. I promise I won't be disappointed if you said it wasn't what you wanted." Hermione finished her nervous speech, not quite sure where to look. Anything but her mentor's eyes would do.

Minerva couldn't believe what she just heard. An apprenticeship? There had been only a handful of apprenticeships in Hogwarts history, and this kind of arrangement was highly unusual.

The older woman was completely overwhelmed by Hermione's words. Every thought pulled her in another direction. She felt incredibly weak and useless for needing help with her job, and at the same time she was unbelievably touched that Albus would arrange the only help she would accept for her, rather than letting her go. And Hermione. Did she really want an apprenticeship, or was her real motivation to help her?

"Minerva?"

"I…I don't know what to say."

"I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to offend you." Hermione felt awful all of a sudden.

"I am not offended. Not at all." Minerva put her arm around the younger woman's shoulder. "I am worried about you."

"Me?" Hermione looked as shocked as she sounded and caused the old witch to smile.

"Yes, you. Hermione, is that really what you want? I know you would do it just to help me, but I need to be sure you'll do it because that is what you really want with all your heart."

"I am sure, Minerva. I was a bit confused when Professor Dumbledore asked me, so I wanted a few days to think about it. I am absolutely sure now. This apprenticeship is what I want, if you are willing to put up with me."

Minerva nodded, not looking too happy.

"Minerva, are you all right?"

"To be honest, I don't know, Hermione. The feeling of not being able to do my work, to do magic, on my own is…well…unpleasant, to put it nicely. I've never felt so weak and useless." Hermione reached for her friends hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "The thought of having you as my apprentice on the other hand, although unusual, gives me hope that everything will be all right. But Hermione, there is a reason I am alone." For a moment she looked very sad. "I tend to saying things I don't really mean when I am stressed and hurt the people around me. I don't want that to happen to you, but I know it will sooner or later. The problem is that you can't just leave me like so many others did. To become an apprentice you'll have to sign a binding magical contract and from that moment on there is no turning back. You need to know that before you make your decision."

Hermione shifted her position and took both of Minerva's hands in hers. "I have made my decision already. I want to be your apprentice. I realise it won't be easy all the way through, but I know we can work it out. There are still so many details to talk about, but I am sure Professor Dumbledore already has solutions on his mind."

For the first time in this chat a smile tugged at the older woman's lips. "It seems I am going to have an apprentice then. Severus will be furious."

The young witch beamed with joy and leaped forward to throw her arms around Minerva, who groaned loudly, causing Hermione to pull back on an instant. "I am so sorry! I didn't mean to…"

"Hush," Minerva cut her off. "Come here again, but slowly this time." She smiled encouragingly.

Hermione very gently and carefully wrapped her arms around the older witch again. They stayed like that for a while, not quite believing what just had happened. When they pulled back, Minerva placed a small kiss on the girl's forehead.

A few moments later, they heard someone open the door. Minerva quickly whispered a "Showtime" to her young charge.

"Hello ladies, " Albus greeted upon entering the bedroom.

" Professor Dumbledore." Minerva looked livid and Hermione could see the headmaster flinch slightly. "I can't believe what I have heard! How dare you?! How dare you make decisions for me!! I'm quitting, you hear?!"

"Minerva," the old man tried to stop his friend.

"Don't Minerva me!" she screamed. "I am done with you for the rest of my life. You want Miss Granger to teach? Fine. I quit. She can have my job, I hope she enjoys it!"

"Minerva please, I…" he tried again. That was it. Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She started laughing with her whole heart. She knew of course that Minerva was able to act if she needed to, but this was hilarious. This would have earned her an Academy Award in the muggle world.

Albus Dumbledore appeared, for a moment, as if he had been hit by a train, before he understood.

"Oh Hermione," Minerva complained. "I was just warming up."

"I am so sorry, but where did you learn that?!" she asked still laughing. "You should have become an actress."

"I am a teacher. That is close enough I think." She gave the young girl a wink.

Now that Albus Dumbledore had fully recovered, he joined in the laughing. "Dear god, Minerva, you really had me there. You gave me quite a scare. I take it Miss Granger talked with you already?"

Hermione looked a little guilty now. "I am sorry, Professor. I didn't plan to, but then the opportunity arose and I felt I should take it."

"Don't worry, Miss Granger. From the smile on both of your faces, I assume your talk went well." The headmaster smiled happily.

"It did, Albus. May I introduce you to my soon to be apprentice Hermione Granger?"

"It is my pleasure, Hermione." He formally gave her a hand shake and enjoyed the way Hermione blushed.

"We should talk about the details soon, Albus. What subjects can Hermione still take with her classmates, and where she will live, for example." Minerva looked serious now.

"We'll talk about that very soon. I suggest the two of you come to my office tomorrow after dinner to discuss this matter."

"Thank you Albus." Minerva looked him straight in the eyes and he understood for what she really thanked him. He leaned over and gave his best friend a warm hug. "You are very welcome my dear."

Hermione watched the exchange happily. She was definitely looking forward to what lay ahead.

The end


End file.
